


Sensory Acclimation

by scarecrowstories



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Anal Sex, Begging, Blow Jobs, Canon Trans Character, Dissociation, Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Post-Coital Cuddling, Reunion Sex, Showers, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-02 23:04:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20253880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarecrowstories/pseuds/scarecrowstories
Summary: Lup is having severe sensory processing issues after getting her body back. She knows it will pass, but it's getting in the way of being intimate with Barry for the first time in over a decade, and she's getting really frustrated!





	Sensory Acclimation

**Author's Note:**

> Well. I sure hope it's not obvious that I have no idea what I'm doing because this is only my second explicit fic Ever. But I can tell you that my Brand is Lup loves her body just the way it is Thank You Very Much and though they're both switches, Bottom Barry is the Best. I'm Determined to add to Positive pre-op trans rep, damn it!
> 
> As before, if I've fucked up in my treatment of Lup please let me know; I ran it all by my girlfriend first to be safe, but y'know. Your mileage may vary and all that.

Sharing a bed the first night back in her body was equal parts terrifying and wonderful. At some point she'd managed to calm her panic long enough to enjoy it: the feeling of him breathing against her, the weight of his arms holding her together so carefully, the light sound of him snoring. Breathing in the scent of home, so sorely missed and finally returned to her side. Once she'd adjusted to it, she stayed awake as long as possible to drink in the sensations that made her heart ache. A whole decade without this - without him! And now she was physically back to reclaim the love she'd missed so terribly!

But even simply laying in his embrace had been a lot for Lup; had it always been such a warm and sweaty experience, and she'd just grown used to it? Did it always feel claustrophobic, like she was being suffocated slowly? Was it normal to feel trapped? Most importantly: would these feelings pass eventually, leaving her with just that contentment? Or would she be a mess like this forever?

The following morning she insisted that she was ready to have sex with Barry. They lay in their bed kissing for long minutes, gentle hands caressing familiar skin for the first time in a decade. And then his hand had slipped past the waistband of her sleep shorts, fingers brushing along her length teasingly. She paused in her kisses and pulled away from him, the sensation suddenly too much. With a cry, she rolled over and curled her knees to her chest, heart pounding.

"Oh gods, Lup, I'm so sorry, are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Panic in his voice, Barry hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder. "Shit, I'm sorry, I shouldn't--"

"No, Barry, it's me," she choked out, clutching at the fabric of her shirt so hard her fingers tingled. The feeling did nothing to ground her as she'd hoped it would. "I can't, it's so much, I want to but--" She let out a single sob. "I want this so bad, Barry, please." Rolling to face him again, tears in her eyes, she forced herself to uncurl from her fetal position, determination set in her jaw. "I'll get over it. Please."

He shook his head lightly, withdrawing his hand. "Sweetheart, no, I…" A sigh. "I'm not going to do something that upsets you just because you think it's healthy to push through the discomfort. I want this too, but shit, I want you to enjoy it, babe. Not tolerate it."

A brief silence. Eyes averted, Lup whispered, "But what if I never enjoy it again? What if it's always too much?" 

At that, Barry scooted closer and draped an arm over her waist. "Oh, Lup," he breathed, holding back tears of his own. She looked utterly miserable, and it killed him to see her so torn up. The love of his life was finally back in the flesh! This should be joyous! And yet… "I'd understand, y'know. If the rest of our lives you're skittish about being touched? You went through a lot, and you've only just come back. I wouldn't blame you."

Now thoroughly frustrated, Lup began to cry harder, leaning into the hug. "But I want this! It's not fair!" she cried, trembling. "Even a fucking hug makes me feel like I'm drowning! I just want to feel normal!"

Barry rubbed a hand along her back in an attempt to soothe her. "Lup, love, please don't torture yourself over this," he said, trying to keep his tone gentle. "We can take things slow. Like maybe today all we do is lie here and kiss, and there's no pressure to do anything more. How does that sound?"

She nodded, still shaking in his arms. When she calmed down a few minutes later and looked up to him, she gave shy smile. "Thank you. I don't want to seem like I'm some fragile fucking damsel or whatever, but fuck, babe…" She tried to laugh, but it came out sad. "I missed this so much and now that we're here I want it more than anything, but it's…"

"I know," Barry said, touching their foreheads together. "Just breathe. Don't worry about anything else, okay? Just focus on breathing, and when you feel a little calmer, I'm going to kiss you again. Is that all right?"

Taking a deep breath, Lup closed her eyes. "Yeah, I'd like that." After a few more, she leaned in to press their lips together again. His lips were warm and soft, everything she'd remembered them to be. She focused on the pressure against her mouth, how his scent surrounded her, how his hands pressed against her back to pull her closer. She paid careful attention to the tiny sounds of want that Barry was making and how they lit a fire in her heart, and...

"Oh right," she found herself thinking, amused. "Boners."

Her attention shifted to the ways her body was responding: her growing erection, the heat in her face, tingle of excitement coursing through her and easing her fears. Pulling back from the kiss, she took another deep breath to steady herself. "I'm fine," she said preemptively. "I just need a sec."

"However long you need," Barry soothed, moving a hand to brush her hair from her face. "I'm here."

"Yeah," she murmured. "Hey, babe?"

"Yeah?"

"I totally forgot what being horny feels like and holy shit, I want you."

He chuckled. "I want you too, but I promised not to rush you, so--"

"I know what you promised me, nerd, but I mean it." Barry looked about to protest, so Lup continued, cutting him off. "I know I'm not ready. I know you don't want to upset me or hurt me or anything bad at all. But I also know we've waited twelve fucking years." She shifted, erection growing uncomfortable. "Please babe, trust me to know what I want. Trust me to handle it, and I promise I'll let you know if it's too much."

There were a few breaths of silence as Barry considered; then he seemed to deflate, tension leaving his body. "I hope you understand my concern. You were on the verge of a panic attack just a few minutes ago! I love you so much, and I just want this to be good for you." He kissed her forehead, then the tip of her nose, and finally her lips. "I still don't think we should go all the way right now. But maybe if you want to try something more intense than kissing I could give you a blowjob?"

Lup squirmed at the surge of arousal that sent through her, a weak moan escaping her. "Oh, please," she begged, eyes full of lust.

Still petting her back, Barry smiled. "Anything for you," he said, letting his fingers skim the hem of her shorts. "I'm gonna need these to come off first," he directed, helping her pull them down as she wiggled her hips. "Now, since you kinda freaked out before when I touched you, I want you to take a few counted breaths first. Can you do that for me?"

Though she wanted to roll her eyes, she knew he was only being overly cautious out of love, so she nodded and inhaled while he counted to five, held it, and exhaled as he counted again. After three of them, she was going to protest that she was fine, but he pressed his mouth to her thigh and all words left her mind. 

"Ready?" he asked, trailing his lips along her hip.

"Please," she begged, threading her fingers into his hair and tugging gently. 

He let her pull his face to where she wanted it and waited a moment before leaning in and placing a kiss firmly on the tip of her clit. The keen she let out made Barry's dick harder than he'd been in years and he finally wrapped his lips around her, moaning loudly at how it made her pull his hair. He swirled his tongue around the head, reveling in the way her thighs twitched with every movement. Her warmth became his whole world, and he wanted to savor it forever.

"Fuck, Barry, yes," she panted, hips trembling. "Oh yes, oh, it's so much, don't stop!" she pleaded, losing herself in the mix of sensations as he continued. The wet sound of his mouth on her was louder than she remembered, his tongue warmer; every detail felt at least ten times more intense. Within a few minutes, she felt her orgasm building, hips stuttering forward to thrust her erection deeper into his throat.

Barry gagged and pulled back with a chuckle, wiping spit from his chin. He smiled at the whine of frustration that Lup released as he sat up. "You seemed pretty close there. Still good?"

"Let me come, baby, please," she breathed out desperately, chest heaving. Was sex always so exerting?

"That's what I wanted to check in about. Do you wanna finish in my mouth? Should I use my hands? What do you want, Lup?" He punctuated his words with soft kisses along her neck, tip of his tongue flicking over tender flesh. "I'd kinda like if you came in my mouth," he whispered, mouth ghosting over her ear. "That way I can taste you."

She groaned. "Fucking hell, Bar, please let me!"

"Gladly," he responded. At that, he moved to begin kissing down her chest, teasing a nipple briefly with his teeth. Every sound she made drove him on, biting and licking over her soft skin as he made his way back to her clit. "Don't hold back, okay?"

As soon as his lips were around her again she started to fuck his face in earnest, pleasure thrumming through her veins like liquid fire. She knew she was babbling pleas for him to continue, but she was too overwhelmed by the magnitude of sensation to care, consumed with how wonderful his mouth felt on her. When she finally felt her orgasm hit, coming down his throat until it dribbled out and over his lips, she let out a long, high moan.

"Wow," Barry said, voice hoarse as he licked the come from his lips. "Holy shit, babe, that was something else." He let her hold his face in front of her spent clit while she caught her breath, wriggling as his own cock begged for attention. "Was it good?"

"I forgot how totally awesome that was," she sighed, trembling as she released her hands from his hair. "Is it weird if I say thank you? Because that was some gift you just gave me!"

"Heh, Lup, you don't have to thank me for anything, you know that."

"Yeah, but like, for real? Thank you." She pulled Barry up towards her face, kissing the corners of his mouth before pressing their lips fully together. Tasting herself on him was another forgotten pleasure she was happy to rediscover. "I don't think I'm ready to return the favor, but can I at least give you a handy?"

Kissing her again, Barry whispered, "I'd love that. Can I keep kissing you, or is that too much all at once?"

Lup shifted so that she could reach his dick while she thought about it. "Hmm." She helped him shimmy out of his boxers. "We can try. I'm kinda feeling close to my limit but we'll see." A quick kiss as she wrapped her fingers around him. "I love you so fucking much."

"I love you too," he moaned, pleasure-drunk as she began to stroke him. He already felt so close just from having her in his mouth minutes ago, his voice swallowed by her kisses as she enthusiastically touched him everywhere she could reach. "Lup, I'm gonna come, oh gods," he panted, whining when she playfully bit his lower lip.

"C'mon, babe, let me hear you, I missed those precious sounds." She moved her lips across his cheeks, his ears, the side of his neck, as he clung to her.

Barry couldn't help but thrust into her hand as she continued, giving a final shout of her name as he finished. When he came down from the high, he was surprised that he'd somehow missed her grabbing a tissue from the bedside table to clean them up. "Shower?" he said, dazed.

"Shower," she agreed with a satisfied grin. There would be time for more later.

As the water was warming up, Lup brushed her teeth and grimaced. She forgot how gross toothpaste was. "Wow, yuck," she said after rinsing her mouth. "It's gonna be a weird couple of days, isn't it?" she joked, trying to smile as she climbed into the shower with Barry. The pressure of the water on her scalp, the sound, the steam, it was so much to try and focus past to hear her husband's response. "Sorry, repeat that?" she asked, struggling to listen past the water.

"I said yeah, but I'm here. You don't have to do this alone, Lup," he said, kissing her forehead. "How's the water? Good?"

She nodded. "I'm glad I did just a bath yesterday, though. This is so loud!"

Barry chuckled. "A bit, yeah. Why don't you turn around and I'll wash your hair for you?" He placed his hands firmly on her shoulders and rotated her so that he could lean down and nuzzle her shoulders before grabbing the shampoo. He hummed as he worked it to a lather and kept pausing to check on her. After he rinsed her hair clean, he spun her around again to kiss her cheeks.

"My gods, you sap, I've missed this," she giggled, half-heartedly pushing him away as they switched places. "I remember loving shower sex back on the ship. So convenient for clean-up. Maybe next time…?"

"Maybe," he agreed, leaning down enough for her to wash his hair. "It's funny how you don't think about little things like this until you're missing them," he said, heart pounding in his chest at the care she was showing him. "Not that we ever took what we have for granted, but like, time has just been so weird for us. What's a decade, really? After everything else? It shouldn't feel like it was longer than that whole century."

She ruffled his soapy hair and draped her arms around his waist, letting her face rest against his back. "Yeah, I know what you mean. If someone told me I'd been in that umbrella a thousand years I'd believe it."

"Well to be fair, you had nothing to do, so it must have been--"

"So fucking boring!" she groaned, moving to rinse his hair. "Like, there were some cycles where we were bored. Where we had nobody else to talk to and were going a little stir-crazy. But this was some advanced shit."

They continued chatting as they finished their shower, and by the time they were done, Lup's stomach was growling. "Damn, good thing there's so many leftovers from last night," she said, grinning. The thought of food was a comfort, even though she'd felt sick on-and-off after eating the previous night. She'd been too focused on enjoying the time spent with friends to really care. 

Getting dressed while damp proved to be more of a challenge than she recalled. She nearly tripped as she fought her pants going over damp legs, swearing as her bra refused to untangle. It was so aggravating that she was tempted to walk around nude until she dried off.

"Here, let me help," Barry offered, batting her hands away and adjusting her bra. "I'll go get something warmed up for you. Anything in particular?"

"Nah, surprise me, babe! I'll be out in a minute, I just need to sit down. Catch my breath." She waved him out of the room and let herself fall onto the bed with a sigh. Her body was tired from the brief exertion of standing in the shower, leaving her frustrated. Being a lich was so profoundly different that she couldn't help but wonder if she was going to hate being corporeal again. Mortal bodies were so small, so limited, a finite vessel trying to contain the infinity of a soul. How could anyone stand to exist like that without wanting to break free?

She must have started to doze off, because before she knew it, Barry was shaking her shoulders and startling her. He was staring at her with concern, saying something she couldn't hear over the ringing in her ears. After a few moments her head cleared and she blinked hard. "Shit, sorry, babe. Must've fallen asleep a little."

He helped her to her feet, still looking worried. "It's okay, I was just… you didn't answer. I got scared." Leading her into the kitchen, hands gently entwined, he gestured to the table. "Better dig in while it's still warm!"

They passed the rest of the morning enjoying their reheated food, making each other laugh, and reminiscing. Then by the time they were ready for lunch, Taako and Kravitz were walking in unannounced. Lup rushed over to hug her brother immediately.

"Figured you'd wanna see me because let's be honest, who wouldn't?" Taako's smug grin couldn't conceal the love in his eyes. "You sleep well?" He wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

Lup stuck her tongue out at him. "That's proprietary information."

The four of them sat at the kitchen table talking for hours, Lup moving between holding Barry's hand and holding Taako's. She wanted to always be touching, using her body as the physical conduit for the soul-deep connection she craved. 

After a while, she found it hard to stay mentally present, her mind wandering away from herself while conversation carried on around her. It almost felt like her body was the same kind of prison as the umbrella: impossibly small, restrictive, confining. She wanted to fade into its deepest recesses and hide away from the overstimulation of the world around her, distant fear bubbling in her chest at the realization that she wanted to disappear for a while. It was a dangerous thought, and it threatened to consume her.

"Uhh, Lulu?" Taako was waving a hand in front of her face, frantic. "Hey, are you okay?"

Barry put a hand on her knee, and that was enough to jolt her back to awareness. What was she just thinking about? It had felt like she was somewhere else for a moment. Or had it been longer than just a moment? "Oh, sorry, I must've spaced out," she said. She knew it didn't sound as casual as she'd wanted it to. 

"Maybe it's time you got some fresh air. Wanna go on a walk or something?" Taako offered, smoothing her hair away from her face. It was the kind of tenderness he rarely let anybody else see, reserved only for her. She must have nodded, though she didn't remember doing it, because he stood and pulled her to her feet. "Great, why don't you boys stay here and chat while we take a walk around the block?"

They didn't talk as he led her out of the dome and into the light. She squinted at how sharp the brightness felt against her eyes. Stopping in her tracks, she squeezed Taako's hand to signal that she was okay and took several deep breaths. The breeze carried the scent of autumn: damp decay, a heavy chill, change, momentum.

They were quiet for a few minutes as he led her around the quad until they got to the base of a large oak tree; Taako sat down and motioned for her to follow. "So. Still acclimating, huh?"

Lup nodded. "It's gonna take a while, I think. You remember how we'd get after lich cycles. It's just like that. I'll be fine." She sounded more like she was trying to assure herself than him.

A brief silence. "I love you, Lulu. I know it's hard, and I know I can't, like, Get It? Because I'm not a freaky lich? But I'm here. So if it's too weird talking to Barry about it or whatever you've still got me." He leaned sideways to rest his head on her shoulder. "We all know how strong you are, but it's okay to struggle with this. I mean seriously, what the fuck are our lives? We spent a century on a magic love-boat and now we just have to live like regular people?" He let out a dry laugh. "We saved the world, for fuck's sake! Dozens of worlds! What the fuck, right?"

Letting her head rest on top of his, Lup burrowed into his hair. "It's wild, for sure. And I know you're here for me. I just, I dunno, I don't remember how to be a person anymore?" She exhaled sharply and turned so that she could throw an arm over Taako's waist. "I wanted this so bad when I was stuck in that stupid umbrella. I'd watch you pacing around after your night terrors and hate myself for being so far away, and now that I'm here I can't decide if everything's too close. Does that even make sense?"

Taako's whole body relaxed in her arms. "Kinda, yeah. The umbrella was keeping you in, sure, but it also kept everything else out. So now it's like there's no barrier between you and the world. That what you mean?"

"Yeah, absolutely!" she quickly agreed, fighting back more tears. "I forgot how to, like, process textures and smells and sounds and stuff. So everything just feels like so much, and this stupid body keeps needing things like the bathroom or crying or food. I know it's only been two days but ugh!" Lup's laugh turned into a choked sob. "I thought about this for so long and it doesn't seem fair that it's so hard now that I finally have it."

They fell quiet for a long time after that, holding one another in the shade of the tree as the breeze repeatedly threw their curls into each other's faces. Lup was grateful for Taako giving her the space to enjoy his presence without expecting her to also maintain a conversation; she'd missed this too much to focus on anything else. A few Bureau members passed by and waved to them, but left them alone. 

They all knew the story, now, Lup thought. How strange their lives had been. What did they think? she wondered. Were they angry that their world had been endangered by the Hunger in the first place? Did they blame them? After all, Lup reasoned, their world wouldn't have been doomed if the Starblaster never arrived. Yes, they saved the world in the end, but without them it wouldn't have needed saving in the first place.

She felt herself growing distant from her body again when Taako spoke, pulling her back to herself.

"Personal question that you can totally ignore, but like, I know you. I like to think we're close. Did you have sex with Barry yet, and is the answer to that question what's got you so upset?"

Lup frowned and pulled away from her brother, trying her best to fix a glare on him. She looked more exhausted than angry.

"C'mon, don't be mad, I know you won't talk to anybody else about this. You don't have to, duh, but if it'd help I'm here to listen. As long as you don't give me any super gross details. You can keep those, thank you very much."

Tension dissipating, Lup looked away. "You're right. No, I haven't. We were gonna but I… it was too much. I panicked. He got really scared, and we stopped even though I wanted to push through it. So yeah, I'm upset." She whined in frustration as she angrily rubbed away tears. "I know it'll pass and I just want to feel normal already! I'm sick of having to be patient!"

Taako patted her on the arm. "Understandable. You're good at patience when it counts, but I don't blame you. I'm sure Barry doesn't blame you either. Now, do you wanna keep walking around? Or are you ready to head back inside? Because I feel like our fellas are sitting around awkwardly waiting for us to come back."

That made Lup chuckle. She felt dizzy with how fast she stood up and needed to brace against Taako for a moment while her vision stopped spinning. "I'm fine," she insisted, letting him keep hold of her hand as he tugged her back towards their dome.

They were surprised to find Barry and Kravitz playing cards when they returned and decided to join in, passing the next several hours with a few bottles of wine. After powering through her first glass, Lup remembered why she liked alcohol: the pleasant hum of being tipsy helped keep her anxieties at bay. They feasted on the rest of the leftovers from the previous night's party, and Lup let herself relax.

By the time Taako and Kravitz left, Lup was starting to sober up. "I'm glad they came," she said to Barry as they cuddled on the couch. "It was nice spending last night with everyone, but I wanted a day with mostly just Taako."

"Babe, if you want to have a Just-Twins day you know I'll understand," Barry offered, arms wrapped around her chest as she leaned against him. He placed soft kisses along her jaw, nuzzling against her ear. "This too much?"

"Not at all," she breathed, tilting her face to give him better access. "I think today really helped. I dunno if I'm ready for, like, everything, but I hope we can try." Her whole body felt warmer by the second as Barry kept kissing down her neck. His stubble tickled, and she squirmed. "Barry!" she giggled. 

"Yes?"

More giggling. "I love you so much," she managed before shoving him away to catch her breath and wipe tears from her eyes. Happy tears were so much nicer than the panic tears of earlier. Her whole face felt stiff and worn out from smiling. "I guess I forgot what being tickled felt like too!"

Barry carefully rotated her position so that they were facing one another and pulled her more fully into his lap. "Wanna see what other feelings you're comfortable rediscovering?"

She almost rolled her eyes at the way he said it. He could've just asked if she wanted to try sex, but he didn't want to seem pushy, even though Lup knew well enough that he wasn't that kind of man. Instead she let herself become reacquainted with blushing and nodded. Immediately, Barry stood, lifting her with him and causing her to let out a joyous squeal as he carried her to their bedroom.

When he tossed her onto their bed, her nerves were starting to come back. Was she ready? What if it started out okay and got bad at some point? What if it was terrible the whole time no matter how much she waited for it to get better? Or worst of all: what if he hated it too?

"It's okay, Lup, breathe for me."

Snapping back to herself, Lup forced a smile and took a deep breath. "Sorry, spaced out on you again, didn't I?" Exhale. Inhale, hold, exhale. She placed a hand on her chest to concentrate on feeling her lungs inflate. Her heartbeat was finally slowing back down to normal.

Barry sat next to her and put a hand on her thigh. "I'm gonna check in with you a few times just in case you're too overwhelmed to ask me to stop. I don't wanna ruin the mood but, like, work with me here. Okay?"

Leaning in to give him a quick kiss, Lup ruffled his hair. So much fluffier than she'd remembered! Wonderful! "Oh, love, of course." Another quick kiss and more hair ruffling. "Let's be real for a sec, I'd be too stubborn to ask you to stop on my own and we both know it."

"But you'll be honest and tell me you need a break if I ask, right?"

"For sure! Now, how's about we lose the clothes, handsome?" She started to unbutton her top as suggestively as she could muster, pausing to laugh when she saw the amusement on Barry's face. "I'm doing this all wrong, aren't I? What's sexy supposed to look like, again?"

Now it was his turn to laugh. "What? No, you were totally doing it right! Very sexy," he assured, thrilled that they were both able to joke in spite of being out of practice. "It's a nice sight. The nicest, one could say," he added, voice dropping to the low tones he reserved just for their most intimate moments. "I'd like to keep seeing it-- you, I mean. I'd love to see you, Lup."

"Well then you're in luck because I like being seen," she said as her shirt fell from her shoulders. She fiddled with her bra while Barry watched hungrily. As it fell away to reveal her breasts, she felt another jolt of anxiety at being so exposed. Her fears melted a moment later as Barry bent over her to trail kisses across her chest. When his tongue flicked across her nipple, she moaned appreciatively, "Fuck, that's nice!"

"Really missed that, huh?" he whispered, sucking the bud into his mouth and lightly biting down. When she moaned a little louder, Barry smiled and encouraged her to lay down. "I know I did." Once she was fully on the bed, he climbed on top of her to resume his affections.

Wrapping her arms around him and holding him to her chest, Lup let her head fall back on the pillows as he ravaged her torso with kisses and bites. She focused all of her attention on what he was doing and how it made her body react, deliberately shoving down her anxieties. Logically she knew that sex wasn't meant to be a performative exchange, and that they'd been together long enough for her to just be herself. Physically, on the other hand…

Her body felt warm, and she found her erection uncomfortable. The weight of him against her was comforting, but the wet heat of his breath on her was not. Was she meant to enjoy feeling vaguely sticky? Was her heartbeat always so deafening? Did her ears always ring like that?

"You doing okay?" he asked, pausing and pulling his face back from her breast. He kissed her cheek. "You've been spacing out a lot. I know it's a lich-to-body adjustment thing, but I've never seen it this-"

"Bad?"

"Yeah," he reluctantly agreed. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

She shook her head. "Not at all, Bar! I'm trying to pay really close attention to every detail, and I think I'm just getting lost in it." She chuckled bashfully. "It's all really strong, and I want to remember every bit of it, even the parts that are kinda weird."

"Uh-oh, weird?"

"Well, like, sweat, for instance. Kinda gross, kinda don't know how we always managed to ignore it before. That sorta stuff."

He looked relieved, shoulders relaxing. She wondered what he'd feared she would say. "Oh, in that case, uhh, I guess it's just something you'll have to get used to if you want good sex. What if you were on top tonight, babe? That way you can feel more in control of what's going on and you can stop whenever you need."

Her ears perked up. "That sounds hella good, yes please!" She deftly flipped them so that she was pinning Barry to the bed, her legs thrown over his waist. The mix of surprise and arousal on his face delighted her. "Okay, now this is a hell of a view!" Smiling mischievously, Lup trailed a finger down his chest. "Maybe we should get a little more naked to get this party started, hmm?" She slipped her hand under the hem of his shirt and helped him pull it off before leaning down to kiss his chest the same way he'd done to her.

Barry squirmed, biting back laughter as she tickled him with the tip of her nose. By the time her lips reached his stomach, he was achingly hard for her. "Please," he breathed, running fingers through her hair.

"Please what, love? What do you want me to do?"

There was the Lup he was used to, all sultry tones and teasing confidence. His heart swelled with love for her as he grinned. "Anything, fuck, I love feeling you."

Lup rolled off of him just enough for them to both discard their pants before she placed herself back onto his torso, letting out a quiet hiss at the jolt of arousal from their lengths rubbing together. "I love you," she breathed, kissing him deeply. Their tongues moving together almost tickled, and she pulled away to release a giggle-snort. "I can't decide if this is gross or hot," she said.

"Can't it be both?" Barry suggested, playfully tapping a finger against the tip of her nose. "There's a reason this stuff is called 'dirty' isn't there?"

"I guess so. Let's get a second opinion." She swiftly brought their lips together again, letting him push his tongue into her mouth with a grateful moan. It made her dizzy, the closeness of it all; their breaths were shared in an intimate exchange of heat and life. When she needed to pause for a proper breath, she was hyperaware of her heart racing. "Okay, fuck yeah, you're right, it's deffo both."

There was very little talking after that as they lay there a long while kissing while their hands explored. Whenever Lup needed a moment she simply withdrew and breathed. Barry let her control the pace, eager to keep going but not wanting to push his wife beyond her comfort zone. Finally after what felt like forever, she closed her hand around his dick and began to stroke lightly.

"I'm gonna fuck you so good, Bar," she whispered against his jaw. "Gonna come inside you and then suck your dick so you finish on my face. How does that sound?"

Barry whined, "Please, I want it!"

"Yeah?" She pumped her hand with more enthusiasm. "I'm gonna have to get you ready. Where's the lube at, babe?" When he pointed to the nightstand, she dug around the drawer until she found it. "Excellent. Here goes nothing, I guess!"

If she thought being kissed was weird, the feeling of smearing cold lube on her fingers and then sliding them into Barry's ass was even weirder. She tried to focus more on the sounds she was drawing out of him: airy high-pitched groans, small breathy cries as she hit that sweet spot. His hands clung to her, nails digging in ever so slightly. 

"Gods, Lup, more, I need it," he begged, staring at her lustfully. His cheeks were red, mouth parted as he panted. "I'm ready, please!"

"Love the sound of that," Lup hummed, positioning Barry's legs so that she had better access while she shifted to line herself up. As she began to press into him, her attention was brought once again to the overwhelming combination of sensation. Heat and pressure, the racing of her own heart, dizziness, the sounds Barry was making. The experience was all-consuming, and yet she felt no fear. Her anxiety of earlier was replaced with pure desire and adrenaline.

She moved slowly at first, relishing the way Barry moaned with every thrust. Lup pressed his hips to the bed to keep him from wriggling too much and picked up the pace, sliding into him deeper. Leaning down to mouth at his neck, Lup didn't even try to suppress her delighted moans. "Fuck, baby, it's so good," she panted.

"Harder, Lup, I wanna feel you," be pleaded, arms winding around her shoulders to hold her tightly against him. 

As she pounded into him harder, the headboard rattling loud against the wall, she felt her orgasm building. She could feel Barry all around her: his chest heaving against her own, arms securely embracing her, breath tickling the soft hairs above her ear. And of course the way she could feel him clenching around her clit. One particularly deep thrust made him cry out and bite down on her earlobe, which was all it took to undo her.

She kept thrusting through her orgasm, only pulling out when her overly sensitive clit demanded it. "That was fucking incredible," she whispered, kissing him deeply. "Your turn?" 

Barry nodded, running his fingers through her hair as she scooted into position. "You don't have to if it's too much," he offered, concerned.

"We'll see," she said, body still reeling with the aftershocks of her orgasm. "I'll stop if I need to, I promise." With that, she guided his hands to her hair with a smirk. "But until then, hold on tight, babe!" As she sank her mouth onto his dick, he gripped her hair firmly and tugged, causing her to moan around him.

He thrust upward deeper into her mouth, seeking more of the wet heat that was driving him mad with desire. "Oh, Lup yes, I love you so much babe," he breathed, hips stuttering as he continued shoving his dick past her lips. When he felt her gag around him he almost finished, but instead pulled out of her mouth to streak come across her face like she had requested. Releasing a long moan, he let her pump him with her hand as he came, every nerve alight with love for the beautiful woman before him.

Lup slowed her hand to a stop and licked her lips. "Hot damn, Bar, that was sexy as fuck," she commented. "I can't believe we did this like, on the daily! I'm exhausted! But that was so worth it!" She grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and wiped her face clean, only grimacing slightly. "Also, I'm thinking maybe next time you just come in my mouth. Kinda feels extra gross wiping it off my face."

As soon as she discarded the tissue, Barry pulled her tight to his chest with a sob. "I missed you so fucking much," he whispered into her hair, holding back tears. "I love you, Lup, and I missed you so much, and I never thought I'd get to hold you in my arms again."

Letting herself cry, Lup snuggled against his chest. The catharsis of orgasm combined with the impossible joy of being back in her lover's arms was too much to contain. "I'm not going anywhere, dear. I'm here. For good. Whether you like it or not."

"Good thing I like it very much, then," he commented, sniffling.

"You're a dork and I love you." She didn't hear if he responded, as she was drifting off to sleep surprisingly fast. It might take her months to properly acclimate to having a body again, but it was worth every moment of discomfort to have Barry by her side.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really have anything to say for myself other than I'm Not sorry, it Will happen again, and I Do want to improve at it so like... yell at me or with me or whatever? I try not to Obsessively edit my fics bc it's For Fun so hopefully the quality was all right.


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